Straight Up with Sherri

Monday, May 02, 2005


Things are pretty serious around here on a daily basis. We take on some big issues, giving action alerts, sharing news stories, esays, and calls to prayer. We try and use humor at times, but nevertheless- most posts here are serious. This time I just want to share something I received in an email from a dear friend. There is a time to cry, time to act, time to debate, and even a time to laugh. I haven't researched any of the following stories to verify them, they could all be total fiction for all I know. Either way- I hope this makes you smile today!

Darwin Awards 2005

Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here then, are the glorious winners:

1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked..... And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering human kind please share these with your friends and family... unless of course one of these 10 individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case be glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

This last paragraph is a saying that I first heard from the GOAL Student at my school. She shared it with me on the day that I was announced the winner for the new year. It was nice to see it again and visit such a great memory.

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside thoroughly used up, totally worn out and loudly proclaiming, "Wow! What a ride!"


  • THANKS!!!!

    I really needed a good laugh.

    Nice change from the heavy day to day stuff!!

    By Blogger Leslie, at 6:31 PM  

  • The Darwin Awards don't go to murder victims.

    The criteria are:

    1. The winner must have rendered himself incapable of reproduction through either sterilization or death,

    2. Above must be done in spectacularly stupid fashion.

    By Blogger Tom, at 6:35 PM  

  • answer to the question at #6 -- the crime is attempted robbery. Yes he has committed a crime. Also Assault with a Deadly Weapon. But LOL

    By Blogger levi from queens, at 7:23 PM  

  • ROTFLMAO...Time to clean the Gene Pool.

    By Blogger KC, at 9:34 PM  

  • Gee Sherri, I never would have pegged you as a Darwinist...


    By Blogger papijoe, at 11:44 AM  

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