Straight Up with Sherri

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

Amber Fry: Fearless or Floozy?

There is no doubt that Amber is “making the rounds” on national TV these last few days. I have to admit that I am a little surprised at the vast difference in opinion on Amber. I would expect the extreme attitudes towards a political figure, but not towards Amber. I realize there is never a 100% consensus on ANYONE; however, the range is unreal. I find that the majority of negative opinions come from men who view her as a Jezebel figure or from women that seem “angry” with other women. Then there are the opinions that keep thrusting Amber forth as a hero figure. These opinions seem to come from people who are either counting the days ‘til Scott Peterson meets his “justice,” or those that have something to “gain” from her actions.

Me? Let’s start by saying that I understand Amber. I don’t see her as malicious, vile, vindictive, or even sleazy. I also do not see her as a morally courageous icon of a heroine who has overcome some tragic adversity. I see her as a woman, like so many others, whose picker was broken (some of us can be stuck in a room of 100 and men and we always seem to pick the biggest loser of the bunch), but through this experience has grown and matured, and even found some dignity within herself that she did not know was there. When I say I do not see her as sleazy, it is because I do not see where she attempted to use sex as a way of manipulation or power; nor do I see where she is just morally corrupt and willing to go spend the night with any and every man that shows an interest. I think in her world view, she felt that in order to “win a man’s love,” you must please him; and we all know one way to please a man is, well…… you get the picture. I have a dear friend that sees the world the same way. It is a shame. She is such a joy to be around. She has a sparkle in her soul, and she is truly beautiful inside and out. My heart aches for her because she is so worthy and capable of a pure and sincere love, yet the men she has loved in her life will never be able to give her that kind of love in return.

I do find Ambers’s choice to sleep with Scott without being married to be morally wrong, but we ALL have moral sin in our lives. I feel her poor choices leading to her relationship were driven by that need that all of us have to feel valued and loved, while not understanding that no man is ever going to give her self-value or self love. I understand the wounds in someone’s life that may lead them to base their self worth on all the wrong things and all the wrong people. This doesn’t excuse her behavior, but motive for someone’s actions is definitely key to how to CHANGE this behavior. Amber’s choices in how to deal with this situation once she realized the mess she was in show me a great potential for her to turn her life around.

Those that are cruel and vile towards her don’t really bother me. I am sure these people have some of their own issues they are projecting onto her. I feel most people with class know the difference between judging her intimate choices and judging her soul and her character. It surprises me how people claim that she is portraying this “victim” image. I don’t see this. I agree she was more victim than accomplice in Scott’s sick and twisted little games, and she was lied to and manipulated. However, she has really stepped to the plate. Once she realized he had been lying to her and his wife was missing, she didn’t curl up in a fetal position and wail, nor did she cling to him for dear life just begging for more abuse (I have seen PLENTY of women do this). I see a woman that decided to proactive and find some solace in turning the tables. She actually found power within herself to take action to try and create something positive from her circumstances. This is the sign of someone who does not shroud themselves in “victim hood.”

I feel Amber paid a great personal price for her poor choices. In hearing Amber talk of her ordeal I see two very distinct and vital lessons she has learned. She has learned to distinguish between realizing that Scott, and Scott alone, is responsible for his actions and she does not carry any blame for his choices, and realizing that she made choices that in hindsight were obviously unwise and accepts that she did contribute to being caught up in this mess.

Some may begrudge her a moneymaking book deal. I don’t. She acted responsibly and with poise in handling the media fiasco, much to the credit of her attorney, but it is Amber who headed the advice of her counsel. Many single mothers would have been trying to manipulate this event at every turn. You won’t find me purchasing her book, or reading her book, but I certainly feel she has the right to get her side out, especially after the way the media has dissected her entire life. The very media that seems to shove “sex with no consequences” down our throats on every available occasion. Amber is no saint, but she sure isn’t trash either. I am relieved to see a woman in her circumstance find maturity and growth through it. In fact, I think it is encouraging. One of my favorite parts in her whole journey is that she is so normal. She did not milk this fiasco for every possible minute of attention, and she did not turn out to be some heroic symbol. She truly represents what most American’s would be like in this situation. Nothing more, nothing less. I don’t know if Amber will turn her life around completely or not. I do pray that she finds that love she so hungers for. Maybe instead of buying her book, I’ll send her a book, the Bible.

3 Comments:

  • "I don’t see her as malicious, vile, vindictive, or even sleazy. ".
    I agree with you pretty much down the line regarding Amber. However, I have two issues that hurt me very much in this circus. First and foremost, I thought the trial was a travesty. Nowhere was it ever even proven that a crime was committed. The prosecution spent a whole year making the jury HATE Scott Peterson. This became the only crime beyond a reasonable doubt - that he is despicable. I don't know whether he plotted or killed, but there was never any evidence presented that he did. I worry, not for Scott, but for what this does to our system of jurisprudence. The end does not justify the means. His defense (Mark Garagos) failed to do a good job. While the prosecution fouled up everything it touched, Mark never used this to discredit the evidence - only the witnesses - poor move.
    Perhaps more annoying was Gloria Allred - she IS "malicious, vile, vindictive, and even sleazy." I thought that Judge Alfred Delucchi was guilty of gross malfeasance regarding Ms. Allred - permitting her to run the prosecution case in the press. And I will never believe that the jury was unaffected by the press and Gloria. Furthermore, I believe that Gloria used and abused Amber far more than Scott ever did.
    I would not be surprised to see the verdict overturned at some point. I really don't know whether Scott is guilty or not, but I do know that this circus did nothing to figure it out.

    By Blogger Right Wing Nut Job, at 10:37 PM  

  • - I haven't commented before concerning the Peterson case, although I took a great deal of interest in it in terms of research since I have an unabiding distrust of anything in a press release and particularly in the California press....

    - First off if you haven't read the phone tapes between Amber and Scott you are missing a great deal of the pieces to the puzzle. I did, and it was a real labor, because they go on and on and on. But that said, heres a few things that never came out in the trial....

    1) Scott pretended on several occassions, generally when he was faking being somewhere other than where he really was, that he had bad reception and would cut those contacts short. It seemed that he felt he could only keep the charade going for just so long.... a case in point was the severa new years calls from "paris", when he was actually in Medesto not 15 miles from Ambers house...

    2) It was obvious that directly after around Jan 5th or so when it all came out that Amber knew about his wifes dissapearence his whole demeener changed. Before that he was animated and generally talkative. After that he barely talked and used monosylblic responses or just grunted as she questioned him over and over. More than that his answers were rediculous self serving evations.... over and over... His common response is "I know things I can't tell you because I have to protect you until its all over.... etc etc...Its pretty clear it was about this time that he suspected their phone calls were being taped.....

    3) On at least two occassions he slipped up and as much as admitted he'd done the deed, or at the very least acted exactly as you would expect a guilty person to respond. The first was during one of the earlier calls from paris at the beginning of Jan. Amber said to him "Well....I guess this will mean a big change in your life....( she was referring to his "promotion" and the increased travel on his job..) He responded with a sudden flurry of excitable language basically confrontimg her with "What do you mean by that....."...It was pretty obvious he was concerned she'd found out about his wife and didn't know how to react.....

    The second time was after many days of her asking him to answer her and tell her what he knew and if he was holding back anything that he wanted to tell her. She made the statement...."Well if you'd just tell me the truth about things that would un-involve you....right?"....He reponded with..."Well you don't know how badly I want to tell you.....very much....I want to....but no....telling you would not un-involve me...."

    I read that several times and just blinked... never came out in the trial....

    - another aspect that drove home the man's motive is that he has a pathalogical aversion to the responsibility of having a child. In all the conversations, TV interviews, and any other comments he made he never once reffered to Connor as "his" son....It was always Laci's child....her son....that child....that baby.... etc etc.... He also would not say "My wife"....never.... It was almost as if he was rewritting in his own mind that she was just an aquaintance that he knew....

    All in all it needs to be remembered that thousands of cases are decided purely on circumstancial evidence every day of the year. In fact most cases are. Its distasteful to almost everyone but its a simple fact. Leaving aside the quality of the Defense or Prosecutors, the preponderence of circumstancial evidence in this case was far greater than most. Justice was done if weighed against our form of evidential determination of a "reasonable doubt". Not and absolute beyond any shadow of a doubt, but "a reasonable one". He was the only person placed at the scene. He had oppotunity. He had at least a possible motive (although not required). He had the means. He had no plausible excuses for the evidence against him. He refused to testify in his own behalf (Not required but generally demanded by an innocent person). There was no other person with motive or oppotunity. There were many other damning items that were not countered by the defense. There simply was no counters....

    - As far as Amber, I feel probably even more strongly than Sherri that she is a "normal" person just caught up in the whole sordid mess, trusting someone when she had no reason not too. Gloria is the female equivalent of Melvin Belli, both shameless ambulance chasers and press hounds....but this time maybe she was a neccessary evil because, like her or not, she probably gave Amber sound advice.....The press, circus or not, is illrelevent....

    ...Scott Peterson is a sociapathic lier and murderer of the worst kind, having killed his pregnent wife an his own child and is going where he belongs.....

    By Blogger - Hunter, at 1:26 AM  

  • All of your comments regarding Amber make great points. I have seen nothing but intelligent writings from everyone thus far. Let me be brief and frank. I am from Fresno California and know Amber Frey personally. This girl is no role model nor hero. The negative media you have read and heard about her is all true. She continues to lead an immoral life for herself and is for the most part, an absent mother. She has made no changes for the better. The only thing that has changed about Amber is her pocketbook. I welcome any questions or comments.

    By Anonymous Anonymous, at 9:33 PM  

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